what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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