Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
