their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
