90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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