I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
