Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
