So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
