??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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