my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
