I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
