And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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