well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
