im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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