sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
