Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You ate ashes out of my bong
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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