There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
