I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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