I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
