you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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