he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
