you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
there is puke in my bra ... again
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
