i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
