Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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