but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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