Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
