Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
