I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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