I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
