alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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