i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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