No stitches, just platelets and will power
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
