Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
