i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
