I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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