Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
