its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
