I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
