someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
