I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
