i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
