Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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