so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
this just has baby written all over it
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
