i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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