It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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