Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My ass is underappreciated
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
