Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
