I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
