Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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