I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
