If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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