One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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