1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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